It’s been quite some time since I’ve written from the road, and for that, I owe you all an apology. This project has been so many things for me, and in the midst of all those things, it’s also been radically difficult. I find it hard to write sometimes because I get stuck in the, everything needs to be and sound absolutely perfect (what a total crock of bs). Anyone else ever feel that way? So, in an effort to stop trying to wait until everything is actually perfect (I’d be waiting forever if that were the case), I’ve decided to begin 2019 on a very imperfect note.
This first blog of the year is my commitment to spending the next six months sharing more stories and giving myself permission to be radically imperfect and flawed, sending out road tales that are not grammatically correct, and have not been written and re-written over and over again to meet impossible standards which, in actuality, have only been holding me back. Life is filled with so many excuses, and I’m tired of living by my own.
So, let me begin with an update.
Over the last five months I’ve driven from NYC to Idaho, chased the sun to Montana, slept in children’s sleep away camps, yurt parks, tents, yoga studios, basements, attics, couches and cars. I’ve stayed with strangers in rural logging towns, cities, and farms. I’ve slept in the homes of workshop hosts in Tacoma, Washington, Libby, Montana, Bozeman, Montana, Portland, Oregon, Bellevue, Idaho, Jackson Hole, Wyoming, Idaho Spring, Colorado, and the Umatilla Reservation in Oregon (to name a few). I’ve met up with high school friends I haven’t seen in almost twenty years, college friends I haven’t seen in sixteen years, peace corps friends I haven’t seen in ten years, and have been offered beds by people I have never met. I’ve hosted over twenty-five workshops with people from different backgrounds and belief systems in living rooms, non-profits, restaurants, co-working spaces, churches, bookstores, fitness studios, coffee shops, music venues, and in the mountains. I’ve been challenged to my
core and struggled with my body. I’ve disconnected, re-connected, micro-connected, and macro-connected in every town, state, and home along the way.
Today marks my 153rd day without a home. There is a lot of freedom in that feeling and equally a lot of fear. Some days I wake up and the possibilities seem endless, and other days I wake up and think, no but really, WTF am I actually doing?! I don’t think you need to be living road life to have those feels. I think that WTF’s are pretty universal, right?? Some days I wake up and the magic of opportunity gets me out of bed, while other days waking up in a stranger’s home without a road map for the unknown, overwhelms me to the point of stuck-ness. It’s incredibly hard to distract myself out here, because all I have is myself. I’m realizing that so much of this project is about finding a home in me, as much as it is about finding a home in others.
So, stayed tuned in here for more. For those of you who have been asking to be a part of this journey with me, this is my commitment to you to stay more connected. For those who I’ve met along the way, thank you for continuing on this journey with me.
New year, new me, feels like a load of bullshit. It’s the same me, with the same set of trials and tribulations, neck pains, and road worries, but a commitment to doing things differently, if only an inch at a time.
Thank you all for being here from the beginning as this community grows and I follow the threads of belonging across the country.
Sending love from Colorado!
xo and onward,